(I call this series “10 Steps Away from Depression” because no step is a fix in itself. There is no quick fix for depression, but we can take steps, whenever we have the strength, and enough of those steps put together add up to a good journey – joyful even.)
Years ago, decades maybe, I saw this Al Franken movie about a guy who used affirmations to help him recover from all the trauma and developmental snags that came from growing up in an alcoholic family.
He’d been on Saturday Night Live, a child-like, nerdy character reciting, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me,” as he addressed his image in a mirror.
The sketches were so ridiculous I assumed the movie he starred in would be the same.
But the film actually worked on two levels – as comedy, but also as an authentic account of someone trying to salvage their sanity and work a recovery program that would break them out of crippling generational patterns. I even found it inspiring.
I’ve given all those sappy affirmations on coffee mugs and driftwood a little more respect ever since. As someone who’s had a lifelong struggle with depression, I now consider affirming myself to be a survival tactic.
I even do the talking-into-the-mirror thing. Apparently the chemicals in our brains can’t dintinguish cool from uncool behavior, because I always feel a little better after I do it. I say things like:
“You don’t have to be model thin; you look nice.”
“Congratulations, you finished the article ahead of deadline.”
“You helped four people today. Good job.”
When I’m too cynical to take it seriously, I repeat, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”
On days I feel pretty useless, I can at least say, “God loves you and won’t give up on you.”
Affirming good things about ourselves can become the lifeline that draws us out of our stuck places. We gain the energy to do fun things that help us feel happier, and challenging things that help us succeed and build confidence.
One of life’s most wicked truths is that you can’t love anyone else better than you love yourself. If we dislike and neglect ourselves, our motives will always be tainted with subconscious need, and we’ll live on the edge of burn-out.
So, one path away from of that yucky emotional weight inside us called depression is to start saying nice things to ourselves. And to stop ourselves, just as we would a little kid, when we find ourselves insulting ourselves.
Homework: write down 5 compliments to yourself, then (check that you’re alone!) say one of them to yourself out loud as you look at yourself in a mirror. Then smile. You don’t have to feel better right away for this to be helpful. Just keep doing it once a day. We’re working on becoming more aware of the messages we give ourselves.
Anything helpful to add? Comment below.
Thanks Colleen. (And Happy Birthday again, in case you missed my Facebook post.) I too loved the Stuart Smalley movie and found it surprisingly deep given its origins as an SNL sketch. I might try the mirror exercise, but I need to get past my mistrust of anyone whose judgment is so poor they would praise the real, inner me.
This strategy just might be helpful for other mental/emotional maladies we suffer. In my case, that would be self-doubt. I’ll have to give this some thought, perhaps identify five affirming scriptures to recite into the mirror. Thank you, Colleen! (P.S. In affirmation of your “model-thin” statement: Models with their stick-like limbs look gaunt and under-nourished. You, on the other hand, do indeed look good!)
Nancy, you are always so kind! I have no doubts at all about how lovable and capable you are!
Colleen, a smile goes a long way 🙂 Thanks for the follow.